I Have a Boyfriend but I Like Someone Else – What Should I Do?

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Sometimes, our feelings run amok. Most of the time, there is nothing we can do to change them. We can try to reign them in, we can attempt to bury them deep down but the reality is- they always push their way back up to the surface.

So, what to do when you are crushing on someone else- someone other than your boyfriend?

Are you happy in your current relationship?

Firstly- ask yourself if you are truly happy in your current relationship. Now this might irk a few people reading this. They might jump on a high horse and say something along the lines that it does not mean that you love or like your current boyfriend any less, you can have a crush on someone else without being unsatisfied with your current boyfriend, etc. well, this is my opinion: if you are crushing on someone other than your current boyfriend, you are not one hundred percent satisfied with him. Simple.

Now, ask yourself this question: are you prepared for the consequences of this new realization? I.e.; are you ready and willing to let go of your current boyfriend so that you can chase down the crush you have on someone else?

Picture this as a flow chart: In light of the crush you have on someone else? No? Then you need to address and be prepared to ‘fix’ your current relationship. This is done by first identifying what it is that is causing you to be unsatisfied in your current relationship. Is your answer yes to the initial question? Then you need to open up the channels of communication between you and your current boyfriend. You need to end things because you do not want to be in the position where you are dragging out something that needed to happen yesterday. You don’t need to drag around dead weight. You and your boyfriend deserve to be present in the moment and deserve the best. Everyone does. It may be difficult to do but the results are super sweet. And above all: be honest. Sometimes the truth can hurt so I don’t mean be cut-throat but be as honest (in a nice way) as possible.

Some important questions on which direction to take

Now, remember that finding someone else attractive and having a crush on that person can be very, very different. The key to moving forward in a healthy way is to ask yourself a few simple questions:

  • Do I feel like I want to follow up on this crush?
  • Do I wish to act on these feelings of attraction?
  • Are these feelings of attraction more than just ‘appreciation of the good looks’ and are they something that needs to be explored?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions then it is more than likely that you need to end things with your current boyfriend. Now, I know this may sound harsh and brash but be honest- if you truly cared for your current boyfriend than would you really want to be wishing you were really with someone else? It is not fair to your boyfriend. Ask yourself this- how would you feel? Personally I would prefer for my boyfriend to tell me honestly that he has feelings for someone else. It would save a lot of tears and drama.

Now, if you think that your crush is something silly and you are not prepared to give up your current relationship than you need to be super honest with yourself and find out what it is that is causing you to look elsewhere. It is difficult to give advice on this because there is no one solution or one way ticket to the answer. The closest that comes to that would be… well, honesty. You have to be prepared to be in a no-holds-barred absolute and complete over-exposed look at yourself.

What is making you feel less than one hundred percent satisfied?

What are the things that trigger a negative response from you (when with your boyfriend?)

Once you feel like you have reached a sort of understanding about yourself, consider what you can do to go about changing things for the better. This might include approaching your boyfriend and talking with him about different issues or things that you feel need to be brought to light or this may be as simple as adjusting (sometimes it is only ever so slightly) your own behavior. Is there something that you would like from your boyfriend? More listening? Compassion? Well, whatever it may be it could be handy to be the mirror. If you want your boyfriend to listen to you more, then listen to him more. If you want your boyfriend to speak to you in a more respectful manner, then speak to him in the manner you wish to be spoken to. The important thing to remember here is that you are not doing this with any expectations. Do not listen to him more and then demand that he listen to you more- that will only drive him further away.

Lastly, it is super important to remember that it is okay to crush on someone else – it is natural to be attracted to different people. There is just the question of how you choose to move forward from hereon. This is done by being impeccably honest about yourself, your relationship and your feelings.

Image Source: Helga